[inside card]
i declare am emergency. we're just too damn old. happy birthday.

[inside card]
you know i love to travel, but after the third day without a b.m. i get bitchy. happy birthday.

[inside card]
trashy is as trashy does. happy birthday.

[inside card]
think of it like this... in dog years you'd be dead. happy birthday.

[inside card]
someone should have warned lisa's mother about the pitfalls of using a discount sperm bank. happy birthday.

[inside card]
don't worry sweetie, we'll know soon. the d.n.a. results come back friday. happy birthday.

[inside card]
monica dear, that was a precious little story. now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini. happy birthday.